Happy Tuesday, founders.
It’s hard to get through this week without someone sending you that video - the CEO’s affair with his HR director, caught in the spotlight at a Coldplay concert.
Honestly, it’s none of our business. But it did get me thinking about something we all wrestle with: the invisible dynamics in close work relationships.
Work relationships aren’t built on contracts. They’re built on trust, chemistry, and if we’re honest - unspoken biases.
Whether it’s a co-founder, early hire, or the right-hand operator, those you spend the most time with naturally become more familiar… They challenge you in a good way, get your humor, and stay late on that big pitch. Without noticing, you’re suddenly assigning them bigger projects, inviting them to key meetings, or turning to them when you face big decisions.
But have you ever asked yourself… why them?
Are they the best person for the role, or the best person for you?
This week, we’re unpacking two frameworks that explain why founders fall into affinity traps - and how to lead smarter without losing heart.
Is it trust? Or is it bias?
Is it competence, or comfort?
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The leader-member exchange (LMX) theory: the origin of “favourites”
Developed in the 1970s by George Graen and Mary Uhl-Bien, LMX Theory started with a simple but powerful observation:
These relationships create two groups:
In-Group: High trust, mutual respect, more opportunities, informal communication.
Out-Group: Lower trust, formal exchanges, limited access to information and decision-making.
→ High LMX relationships correlate with better performance and engagement — but only when applied fairly across a team.
→ Uneven LMX dynamics often breed resentment, decreased motivation, and team fragmentation.
Stages in Development of LMX Theory by George Graen and Mary Uhl-Bien
Why it matters:
As a founder, your in-group can become an echo chamber. You may unconsciously shield them from criticism, fast-track their ideas, or offer them deals you'd deny others. It’s not malicious, it’s human nature.
But it quietly creates cultural blind spots that can sink a startup.
The halo effect & affinity bias: your brain’s shortcuts at work
First coined by psychologist Edward Thorndike in 1920, the Halo Effect explains our tendency to let one positive trait (like charisma or shared humor) cloud our judgment of a person’s overall capability.
Affinity Bias is a close cousin, also known as ‘similiar-to-me’ effect. Its our innate pull to trust people who seem “like us” or make us feel safe.
In founder life, this shows up as:
Promoting someone because “they get it”
Forgiving repeated mistakes because “they’ve been loyal”
Feeling uneasy about someone who challenges you, and calling it a “bad vibe”
→ Research shows that leaders tend to unconsciously favour team members they have non-work commonalities with (Phillips, Liljenquist & Neale, 2009), leading to homogenous thinking and lack of innovation.
How founders can build smarter teams without bias
1. Map your relationship dynamics
Literally map your team relationships. Who gets the inside updates? Who do you instinctively call for advice? If the same names pop up, widen your circle.
2. Audit your “gut calls.”
When making key decisions, write down your reasons. Are they evidence-based? Or tied to comfort, loyalty, or chemistry?
3. Build structured feedback loops
Use anonymous peer reviews or 360 feedback - tools that bypass your instinctual bias and spotlight blind spots in team dynamics.
4. Diversify your “inner circle” on purpose
Invite voices that challenge your default thinking. Make it a point to promote people who think differently, not just those who agree with you.
5. Check your language
Watch for phrases like “I just trust them” or “They get it.” Trust should follow performance, not precede it.
In Case You Missed It
Being human means having bias. Being a leader means learning to catch it, before it leads you. Loyalty isn’t something we pick, it’s something we build.
As always, hit reply if something in here hits home.
See you next week.
Lavena
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