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I'm Lavena Xu-Johnson. I write about psychology for founders. Why? Because scaling a business means scaling ourselves first.
Happy Tuesday, founders,
Last time, we began How to read someone fast (part 1) with belonging. Unity gave us a simple truth to start a relationship: people open when they feel a real “we.” Today, we look at 3 famous social science studies as we continue investigating the first minutes when meeting someone - how to read nonverbal cues in a way that serves understanding rather than performance.
Because before a person tells you who they are, their body already has. Small rhythms carry meaning.
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Judging from the first impression?
In the early 1990s, psychologists Nalini Ambady and Robert Rosenthal pulled together results from dozens of experiments (in a meta-analysis), asking one simple question: Can we really judge someone accurately in just a few moments? Their answer was yes. They found that people often make surprisingly accurate judgments about others after seeing only a “thin slice” of their behaviour, sometimes just a few seconds long. A student could watch 30 seconds of a teacher with no sound and still predict how that teacher would be rated by their class at the end of the semester. Patients could form impressions of therapists that matched later outcomes. Even judgments about honesty or warmth held some predictive power.
The effect of first impressions can not be entirely compressed, for when we’re judging a character, but they were strong enough to show that the earliest moments of an encounter matter more than we think. Those small slices already carry meaningful signals, especially when we pay attention to patterns. Although the cue does not sit in the obviously raised eyebrow, or crossed arm, it is in how their tone, posture, and attention hold steady or change slightly when you move through topics.
How to practice it
Context: Before you read the person, notice the context, what kind of behaviour is this environment shaping? This way, we get less confused between situational behaviour and personality.
Baseline: In the first minute, watch how the other person naturally speaks and moves. What is their default tone, rhythm, and energy? This is your reference point.
Changes: Notice the shifts. When you introduce a real topic, say, fundraising, team, or product, watch for small changes against that baseline. Do they lean in? Speak faster? Drop their voice? Repeat the same phrase twice?
Instead of assuming, test it gently. ‘I might have this wrong, but when we talked about hiring their voice dropped a little. Is that where the real challenge is?’ This turns your impression into a question and gives them space to clarify.
The research says: our first few minutes already contain a signal. We don’t need perfect intuition or a long history. We just need to slow down enough to see the context, the baseline, and the shifts. That’s how you can read someone fast without leaping to caricatures.
The 7–38–55 rule: use nonverbal cues for congruence
People read you while you read them. If your words, tone, and face do not agree, others work to resolve the mismatch instead of sending a signal. Congruence quiets that noise. When you are easy to read, they become easier to read. Clarity invites clarity.
Albert Mehrabian’s research from the 1960s is one of the most misquoted findings in psychology. His studies showed that when people talk about feelings, and their words conflict with their tone or facial expression, the nonverbal channels carry more weight. But this became distorted into the cliché that “93% of communication is nonverbal,” and simplified as:
7% Words: The actual spoken words used to communicate a message.
38% Vocal (Tone): The vocal elements, such as pitch, pace, and volume.
55% Facial Expressions/Body Language: The nonverbal cues, including gestures and facial expressions.
That is not what he found. What the research really says is: if words and tone/face don’t match, people believe the nonverbal.
When founders and leaders hear “body language,” many imagine tricks, exaggerated gestures, power poses, or overactive nodding. That performance usually breaks trust. What actually works is congruence. They feel they can trust what they’re hearing because nothing jars. Subtle pacing and mirroring amplify this sense of safety.
How to practice
Ground yourself first: steady feet, calm breath. Let posture and breath support that intention. Grounded feet. Unhurried breath. This creates a natural congruence before you even speak.
Mirror lightly: stay within 10% of the other person’s pace and tone. If they slow down, slow slightly. If they lean forward, soften your posture to meet them without imitation.
Match tone to message. If you are asking for help, allow softness. If you are aligning on a plan, keep the cadence steady.
If you catch yourself “performing” body language, stop. Take one breath and return to curiosity with a simple question. Presence, not performance, is what makes thin-slice judgments work in your favour.
The chameleon effect: how gentle mirroring helps
In 1999, Tanya Chartrand and John Bargh discovered what they called the chameleon effect: subtle, nonconscious mimicry increases rapport. When we gently mirror someone’s posture, rhythm, or small gestures, they tend to feel more at ease and more connected.
Subtle, nonconscious mimicry can increase rapport by signalling ‘I am with you’ at a non-verbal level. Heavy imitation feels strange. Tanya Chartrand and John Bargh documented that subtle cues of posture and rhythm can increase liking and facilitate smooth interaction.
Light mirroring lowers the friction in turn-taking when talking and could even increase disclosure. When the other person feels met, more signals will show up for you. Mirroring does not force agreement. It creates enough comfort for real information to surface.
How to practice
Stay within a narrow band of the other person’s pace and volume. If they slow down, slow slightly. If they lean in, soften your posture toward them without copying.
Let your face reflect genuine interest. Relaxed eyes, then a brief lift of the brow when something matters.
Return to your own rhythm once the exchange settles. The goal is comfort, not camouflage.
Thin slices give early data, congruence makes you reliable, and light mirroring makes sharing easier. Together, they improve the accuracy of what you read.
A simple flow
Arrive with a grounded posture and one intention.
Read the room for what is rewarded so you do not mislabel adaptation as character.
Find the baseline in the first minute. Tone, rhythm, movement.
Invite substance with one topic that matters now.
Notice shifts that repeat when certain themes appear.
Mirror lightly to reduce effort and invite disclosure.
Name and check your impression with a respectful question.
Close with one small next step that proves you listened.
The first minutes can guide the next question. Patterns beat single cues. Alignment beats performance. Small mirroring beats mimicry. The key takeaway: when reading someone, connection is not separate from reading; it is how careful reading becomes possible.
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Until next week,
Lavena
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