Hello founders,

This week’s newsletter highlights a really important facet of leadership that's rarely discussed in tactical business advice: how unaddressed negative psychological traits - our own or others’ - can erode collaboration, decision-making, and emotional stability in high-pressure environments like startups.

According to behavioral researchers, the average adult has approximately 16 meaningful social interactions per day. For a founder, that number often doubles. We negotiate, pitch, delegate, manage, soothe, and align - constantly switching contexts between people with varying emotional states, motivations, and personality structures.

In that fast-moving web of human interaction, it’s not uncommon to encounter individuals with traits consistent with Cluster B personality disorders - particularly narcissistic or borderline patterns. These individuals may not have formal diagnoses, but the behavioural patterns (such as gaslighting, blame-shifting, or chronic invalidation) can be psychologically destabilising.

Understanding emotional maturity in this context goes beyond setting personal boundaries. It involves recognising the early signs of manipulative or dysregulated behaviour in others, regulating our own internal response, and adapting our communication strategy to minimise harm, both to ourselves and to team dynamics.

But emotional hygiene also requires introspection. Founders under chronic stress are vulnerable to replicating behaviours rooted in unprocessed trauma, whether it’s perfectionism, defensiveness, or control masked as care. These aren’t flaws of character, but echoes of unmet needs. Recognising and interrupting these internal patterns is critical to building emotionally sustainable leadership.

In this issue, we’ll unpack:

• The behavioural signals of gaslighting and narcissistic communication in startup settings

• What happens to your brain under manipulative stress

• How to strengthen your psychological boundaries without becoming rigid or reactive

Let’s begin.

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Spotting narcissistic dynamics in startup life

In high-stakes, fast-paced environments, narcissistic traits can masquerade as charisma or confidence. The early signs are often subtle: grandiosity masked as visionary thinking, lack of empathy reframed as “tough decisions,” or manipulation dressed in strategic delegation.

But over time, these dynamics tend to escalate. Here are common behaviors founders should look out for:

1. Gaslighting

   You find yourself questioning your memory, judgment, or instincts after a meeting. You’re told “you’re being too sensitive” or that something you clearly recall never happened. This destabilizes your confidence, leading to chronic self-doubt.

2. Blame Shifting

   Mistakes are never theirs. If a project fails, the narrative will be rewritten to make others the cause. Feedback loops break down, and your team becomes reactive rather than creative.

3. Love Bombing and Devaluation

   Early enthusiasm turns into criticism without clear rationale. One week you're "brilliant"; the next, you're "a disappointment." This creates cycles of anxiety and people-pleasing to avoid emotional whiplash.

4. Boundary Testing

   Subtle disrespect of your time, autonomy, or decisions. They might expect constant availability, override your expertise, or react with offense when you assert a need or limit.

What’s happening in your brain during manipulative interactions?

When you’re on the receiving end of gaslighting or emotional manipulation, your brain enters a defensive state. The amygdala, your brain’s threat detector, flags the social interaction as unsafe. Your prefrontal cortex - responsible for logical reasoning and executive decision-making—begins to down-regulate, especially when this pattern is chronic.

This process is called amygdala hijack. In short: the emotional part of your brain overrides the rational part. You may become hypervigilant, emotionally dysregulated, or numb - often without consciously realizing what triggered it.

In founders, this can lead to:

• Indecision or analysis paralysis

• Emotional burnout masked as “just being tired”

• Over-accommodation or micromanagement

• Loss of trust in your own instincts

Over time, chronic exposure to these dynamics increases cortisol, affects your memory consolidation, and depletes your capacity for focused, long-term planning.

How to protect your mental space

The goal isn’t to pathologize difficult personalities - but to protect your clarity, boundaries, and leadership effectiveness in the presence of manipulative or emotionally volatile behavior.

Here are grounded strategies:

1. Pattern Recognition > Personalization

   Learn to identify the pattern early, rather than internalize the impact. Is this a one-off rupture, or part of a repeating cycle? Naming the behavior gives you distance.

2. Anchor Back to Your Version of Reality

   Keep meeting notes. Write post-call summaries. Document decisions. This isn’t paranoia - it’s a protective habit to ground your memory and avoid being spun in circles.

3. Maintain Internal Boundaries

   Not every emotion deserves a reaction. Cultivating internal boundaries means noticing a trigger and choosing to stay present, not defensive. Practices like vagus nerve breathing or orienting exercises can help in the moment.

4. Build a “Validation Inner Circle”

   If someone continually erodes your sense of self or judgment, cultivate a few emotionally safe peers or mentors who can offer honest reflection. It can restore your sense of what’s normal and what’s not.

5. Seek Psychoeducation

   Understanding personality dynamics (e.g., narcissistic, borderline, antisocial traits) from clinical psychology gives you an emotional toolkit. You're less likely to react from pain - and more likely to respond with strategy.

Final thoughts

Leadership isn’t just about vision or execution. It’s about navigating people—and doing so without losing your emotional footing. In startups, founders are exposed to rapid-fire interpersonal dynamics that can either elevate or deplete your energy and sense of self.

You don’t need to diagnose someone to protect yourself. You just need awareness, regulation, and permission to walk away from patterns that distort your reality.

Tomorrow, we’ll continue with an additional edition diving into Part 2 of this pressing issue — how to navigate relationships with individuals exhibiting traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in high-pressure environments. We’ll explore how emotional volatility shows up in startup life, its neurological effects on your stress system, and how to hold boundaries without losing compassion.

As always, hit reply if something in here hits home.

Until next week,
Lavena

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