Why we fear our own success

The real reason we hold ourselves back–and how to break free.

Hi there,

This week marks a special issue for me. I’m writing this as I sit on a plane, traveling to a country with one of the world’s oldest histories - its past filled with mystery, power, glamour, and greatness. Egypt, home to some of history’s greatest minds.

Being up in the air always makes the mind wander - questioning our purpose in life, the meaning we pursue, and our ultimate ‘why.’

In most of our personal dictionaries, ‘work’ and ‘passion’ exist on opposite ends of the spectrum. Can they ever merge into a singular career? Some say, “It’s a luxury most of us can’t afford.” Others argue, “Dreams are just what capitalists sell to the ordinary person.” Then there’s the fear: “What if I get bored of it? What if I’m not good at it?”

It took me years to return to my original passion - psychology and human nature. It wasn’t easy, but I finally found a way to apply this passion to my day-to-day work, merging it with my career.

I am lucky, I tell myself.

But then I came across The Jonah Complex - a theory suggesting that we have an intrinsic fear of achieving greatness. It made me rethink. Maybe my ‘luck’ was simply my free will choosing to be just a little bit bolder.

Now, onto today’s essay.

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The Fear of Your Own Greatness

The Self-Actualizer and the Fear of Achieving

In the 1960s, the world’s leading organizations sought advice from a psychologist, all with the same question: How do we create a culture where team members are self-actualized and performing at their highest potential?

That psychologist was Abraham Maslow, the father of Hierarchy of Needs.

“In certain definable and empirical ways,” Maslow wrote, “it is necessary for man to live in beauty rather than ugliness, just as it is necessary for him to have food for his aching belly or rest for his weary body.”

He observed that once our basic needs are met, we develop metaneeds–fundamental psychological desires that aren’t just ‘nice to have’ but essential for human fulfillment, just like air and water.

At the top of his hierarchy sits the self-actualized person–someone devoted to something greater than themselves. We’ve all met them: calm, collected, fulfilled, and full of energy. They are luminous with focus. But self-actualization is not a ‘type’ of person; it’s a state of being that every human naturally gravitates toward.

Yet, self-actualization isn’t about a singular moment of transformation. It’s about the day-to-day, moment-to-moment choices we make:

  • Engaging fully in experiences - immersing in something that makes us forget our defenses, self-doubt, and pretenses, regaining the ‘guilelessness of childhood.’

  • Recognizing life as a series of choices - one path leads to growth, the other to regression.

  • Being aware that you have a self and listening to its voice, rather than the voice of a parent or society.

  • Choosing honesty and taking responsibility for your thoughts and feelings - even if it makes you unpopular.

  • Committing to excellence in your field, striving to be among the best.

  • Confronting and letting go of psychological defenses instead of avoiding them.

  • Seeing people in their best light, as if viewing them “under the aspect of eternity.”

If we have a blueprint for fulfillment, why don’t we all just copy and paste it into our lives?

Maslow believed one major obstacle stood in the way: The Jonah Complex.

The Biblical Jonah was a timid merchant who resisted his divine calling. Maslow used his story to describe a deep, often unconscious fear that holds people back from their full potential - the fear of their own greatness.

We fear our best as much as our worst. Maybe the responsibility of a ‘life mission’ feels overwhelming. Maybe we don’t want to seem grandiose. So, we ‘work’ just enough to get by, disguising our fear as humility, setting low expectations for ourselves to avoid failure.

Maslow argued that doing only the bare minimum - just enough to be competent - is a recipe for deep unhappiness. It means evading our own true capabilities.

The Jonah Complex is also about control. Achieving our full potential means stepping into the unknown - facing a version of ourselves that may be completely different from who we are now. That transformation can feel terrifying.

Maslow believed the key is balance - reaching for the extraordinary while staying grounded in reality. Most people have too much of one and not enough of the other.

The most successful and self-actualized individuals master both: they aim for the sky, yet remain deeply rooted in reality.

One underlying message stands out: To be not fearful of our full potential, we must shift the focus from our possible achievements to how we could serve others.

When we stop chasing personal validation and instead serve a higher purpose - our community, our craft, or a mission bigger than our ego - we begin to embrace, rather than fear, the rewards of true greatness.

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